I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
