Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
