If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
