He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
