My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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