i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
