I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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