SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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