You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Of course I have a pirate flag
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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