god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
