i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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