Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
