I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
