This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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