They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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