i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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