i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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