i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
