I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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