im about as happy as oj after his trial
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
