forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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