I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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