just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
