being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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