Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
