he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
we should paint friendship bongs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
