that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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