This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
