Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
