Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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