I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
