"it" just moved
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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