So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
