im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
