dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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