I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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