I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
