So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
