Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
