can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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