i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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