he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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