I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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