I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
