sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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