Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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