she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
