If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
