Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
