thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
