Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
