She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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